Forgive the Uglies

Today, I am so excited to have Jill Tucker guest posting on my blog. We met at the Proverbs 31 She Speaks Conference last July. We both had to travel to North Carolina to meet a fellow Hoosier. I am certain that you will enjoy her writing, please be sure to let her know how much you appreciate her sharing on the blog today.


I have friends who struggle with difficult people.  I struggle with difficult people.  Sometimes I’m the difficult person. I like to think of it as having a temporary case of the Uglies. That’s what Grandma Betty used to say. “She has a case of the Uglies.”
But some people. Oh my. Some people have a more permanent strain of the Uglies.
You know the kind.
They hold grudges. They won’t call you back because they feel slighted. They generally try to make you feel bad and give you the silent treatment and don’t want to make peace. They make assumptions about your actions.
The Uglies.  They make me feel anxious. Off-balance. Confused.
The hardest thing for me to do is to forgive someone who has a case of the Uglies. I tend to retreat and want to shut down emotionally and fantasize about firing back. Who am I kidding? I do fire back sometimes. Instead of forgiving. Instantly.
I need to work on that forgiveness piece. It takes a lot less energy and time. So here’s what I’m going to do next time I am infected by someone’s Uglies or have a case myself:
1. Sit down, write a note. Open the lines of communication.
2. Make the call that I need to make. If they don’t want to talk, that’s their problem.
3. Say I’m sorry when I need to.  If they don’t receive my apology, that’s their problem.
4. Do what I need to do to keep peace.  Which sometimes means Keep your mouth shut, Jill.
5. Tell them I love them no matter what (which is true, even when I’m upset).
Forgive them. It is the only thing for me to do that really makes sense, so that I can move on. Sometimes I need to forgive myself for being a schmuck. I am worth it. They are worth it. Forgive, love, move on.  Now their heart problem is between their maker and them.
Colossians 3:13 says “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
Sounds good to me.
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